


Illicit

by ryanreynolds



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s05e09 Lies of Omission, Mentions of Nogitsune, Miscommunication, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, mentions of Donovan - Freeform, the lying shit that is theo raeken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 10:28:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4621875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryanreynolds/pseuds/ryanreynolds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The rain was falling too heavily and the darkness seemed to crush him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illicit

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings in the end notes

 

The rain was falling too heavily and the world seemed to darken in the moment the door banged shut behind Scott. Behind his best friend. His _brother_. 

He shook his head as he battled the tears threatening to tear him apart.  _No, no…_ They weren't brothers anymore. Scott had made that abundantly clear. Stiles would never be Scott's brother again, but in his very core, Stiles  _knew_ that Scott would always be his brother. If he ever needed him, Stiles would find a way to make his heart forgive Scott because that's what friends do. That's what the best of friends  _do_ . Forgive and forget. 

Scott hadn't done that for Stiles, but Sties would do it for Scott in a heartbeat. And wasn't that the true tragedy of all of this? Scott had abandoned him, had thrown him out of the pack. He'd taken advantage of him and done nothing to repay the favor.

Stiles would do it all over again.

The rain was falling too heavily and the darkness seemed to devour him whole, as he stood and watched the spot where Scott had closed the door. The wrench in his hand felt like it weight a thousand pounds and still, he couldn't let go of it. He tightened his grip around it and pressed his eyes close. Maybe, only maybe, would it all go away if only he just closed his eyes. Maybe it was all a dream. Because there was no way this could've happened. There was no way Scott couldn't have believed him. Scott had known, Scott had confronted him him self. He must have known. And Stiles didn't know what else to tell him. Donovan would've killed his dad. Donovan would've killed him. Donovan would've killed  _Scott_ . How could Scott not forgive him for that – it was self defense. 

Wasn't it?  
His mind kindly offered him a flashback to the catastrophic trip to Eichen House. Kira had nearly killed a chimera in a way much worse than Stiles had killed Donovan. He had forgiven her. Hadn't he?

Stiles' entire body shook. Donovan would've killed all of them. He would've killed Scott. He would've killed his dad.

“He would've killed me!”

His yelling echoed in the dark and he fell to his knees. What else could he tell Scott? What else could make him believe?

_We don't kill people. Do you believe that?_

Stiles shook his head. _No, no, no, no, no_. How could he believe that? He'd always been a killer. Always been a _murderer_. From his mother, to Allison and Aiden, to Donovan. Always a murderer. How could you not believe in something, that was in his very core?

_Murderer._

Oh god, he was gonna tell his dad. He was gonna look in his dad's always disappointed eyes and tell him, that once again, his only son was a murderer. Only this time it wasn't his mother, Stiles had killed. It was a young boy with a life ahead of him. Granted boy was going to jail for the time being, but that wasn't an excuse for being a _killer_. Donovan could've lived a long life.

His shoulder seemed to burn at the thought of the psychotic boy who had died with a pole through his chest. Who had died in agonizing pain. And still he had looked like he wanted to kill Stiles. Still so eager to make him hurt.

_Self defense._

The law protected victims. But why would it protect Stiles? As Scott had said, the chimeras were the victims. If that were true – and everything Scott says or does is true, then Stiles was nothing but a murderer. Maybe Scott had been right to leave him to the darkness.

After all, who trusted a murderer?

The rain was falling too heavily and the darkness seemed to crush him.

He let go of the wrench. It echoed against the ground and the rain drops hitting it seemed to sound like thunder. _Boom…_ _boom_. Everything around him seemed to rotate and the rain drops feel in slow motion. He looked at his hand once again. It looked normal, white and pale like always, but it felt hot, too hot. And sticky.

He blinked.

Blood. So much blood. He was covered in it. A gasp made him turn around in a second and he could've screamed if it wasn't because he'd seen it all before. In the rain and almost eaten by the darkness, the two eyes seemed to burn the way into his very soul and he couldn't _breathe_.

He parted his lips a little, his shallow breaths echoing in his head, and his body began to move by automatic. He got inside his jeep – the jeep that somehow had survived an attack from something supernatural and dangerous, who spent its downtime as a deputy and personal trainer, according to Lydia. Like that night, he looked at himself in the back rear mirror and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

_What can I do?_

He didn't recognize himself. What stared back at him in the mirror wasn't Stiles, it wasn't the boy who had friends, a brother. It wasn't the boy who always had a plan B or G. It wasn't the boy who ran with wolves.

_Murderer_ .

His dad was going to disown him. Throw him out of his own family, like Scott had thrown him out of the pack. He was going to lose _everyone_. Maybe it'd have been better if Donovan had just ate him, if Stiles had let him kill him. Then Donovan would've been the murderer, and he'd die without Scott hating him.

He started the jeep and left Deaton's. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see and the rain was falling too heavily. The darkness too welcoming. He was alone on the road, which was probably lucky, since he drove like a maniac. Something else for his dad to be disappointed of. He looked at his hands again. Blood. _So much blood_. From Donovan. From his mother. From the dying deputy. The innocent people at the hospital. Coach. Aiden. _Allison_.

_We're going to destroy all of them, Stiles_ .

He hit the brakes and the jeep stopped with a halt. The engine made  familiar sounds and smoke suddenly appeared out of the front.  But his mind was at such chaos, he didn't even bother to be annoyed. The jeep was falling apart, and he was falling right behind. He hit the steering wheel,  closed his eyes and screamed.

The rain was falling too heavily and the darkness  was warm and  safe.

_When is a door not a door?_

When it's a person.

_Murderer._

He let the darkness in.

 

 

The rain was falling too heavily and the darkness cackled like a fox.

H idden in the trees, the dark wolf transformed into a young boy. His lips curled into a smile. This is what he came here for, after all. The  boy who was insatiable.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of death, implied depression. Graphic depictions of self-hatred (kinda). Spoilers for Teen Wolf Season 5 Episode 9. Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> If you've read this far, thank you so much. It's my first fan fiction in English and on AO3, but I promise, it won't be my last (for that I have too many feels). If you have some critique or spot a spelling mistake, please, let me know - and if you enjoyed it, don't feel afraid to let me know either :)  
> For the other Teen Wolf fans, let us together fall apart as the 5a finale will leave us all broken in less than four days :')  
> If you want, you're always welcome to leave me angst in my inbox - and come cry with me on tumblr: eclmundpevensie.tumblr.com
> 
> Love, Lanse


End file.
